My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize