Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
