Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
