I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
