what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
