I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
