That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
