A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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