Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
