I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
