Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You don't make any sense
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