It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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