i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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