Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
