Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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