Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
