I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
