ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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