Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
