i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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