Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
