Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
