bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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