this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize