Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
