why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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