Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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