Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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