Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
