Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
