Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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