smell my finger.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
