Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my shit smells like andre
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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