Pappa wants mamma naked
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize