if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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