my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
