i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
