There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
