I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
