What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
