he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
