dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
