You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cockslap morals
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
