It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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