do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
