I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
