i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
