He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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