I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
