I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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