Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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