Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize