MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
