honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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