woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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