I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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