i need an iv and a liver transplant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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