I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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