he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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