You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
