i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize