I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
