I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's never too late to be topless.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
