this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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