I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
