Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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