I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
