I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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